Want to look tan without ruining your skin?

I love to have some color because I am one pale pasty white girl! I used to spend money and time going tanning and it was ruining my skin and I was risking getting skin cancer. I happened upon this lotion at the Dollar Tree. I think it was just old packaging that's why they had it there. But this Nivea Sunkist radiance gradual Tanner and body lotion is amazing. I ran out so I went to Kroger and did not see this there and bought Neutrogena build a tan. I hated that stuff it was streaky and made my skin looks funny. But thank goodness I went back to Kroger to see if I could find something else and low and behold I found my Nivea Sunkist radiance.  I think a lot of people shy away from this stuff because they think it's going to make your skin look funny but if you want to try it you should do the Nivea. The Neutrogena even make my hands look funky even though I would wash them after I was done putting it on. People seriously think I'm lying when I say I do not go to the tanning bed! So if you want a little color save yourself a lot of time and money and save your skin and buy yourself some Nivea Sunkist radiance! Have a great day :-)

Without Accountability There is No Progress

We all know that one person who blames every person in the world for the bad situations in which they constantly find themselves.  You know the one, his mother was an alcoholic or his father was abusive or her boyfriend is a cheater, so they are constantly pointing fingers at other people for their negative behavior and unsavory choices.

I actually found myself in a deep conversation the other day with a person who has had similar life experiences as myself (my father was an abusive alcoholic, several family members have been drug addicts, etc.) and as I listened to myself speak it was like I was having an out-of-body experience.  I could hear the words as they came out of my mouth and it sounded as if I could be crying the blues and hoping for sympathy from this person.  I abruptly interrupted myself and found the need to clarify myself to this person.  Life is life and everyone has had negative experiences.  I was simply sharing my experiences and not looking for sympathy or for someone to blame for anything that may have went wrong in my life.  The only person responsible for my bad choices is myself.  At that part of our conversation we began to discuss the life experiences of the other people who had played  negative roles in our lives.  Some of those people certainly did a lot of finger pointing and did not take responsibility for their own actions so they continued (and some continue to this day) to make poor choices in life because they blame other people, it's not their fault.  And until these people make a decision to accept accountability they will continue to make bad choices and will always be what they are right now.

I am not a perfect person but I am trying hard to be better today than I was yesterday.  When you can accept accountability for your mistakes, learn from them and pick yourself up and move on without repeating those same mistakes, you are making progress.  When you are making progress, you are moving forward and getting better every single day.  Making yourself a better you everyday is success!  But you have to start by holding yourself accountable for your decisions if you want to make progress.  If there are things about your life that you do not like or feel like they are holding you back from being what you know you can be, take discouragement and turn it into determination.  Choose better options for yourself, you deserve it and so does everyone you affect in your daily life!  Happiness is contagious!  Become the best you and inspire others to be the best they can be.  You will be amazed how different you feel and how different other people react and respond to your new self!  It all starts with the simple task of assuming accountability for your own actions and deciding to make better choices for a better life.

I wish happiness for everyone and I thank you for reading my blog:)

Living The Dream

"Living the dream" is a quote I often hear from people when they are asked how they are doing.  Often this quote is said with sarcasm.  I have said this myself without a second thought when asked how I am doing and I have found myself saying it with sarcasm.  The last time I heard someone say they were living the dream in a sarcastic tone, I found myself reeling over why people say that phrase with sarcasm and realizing how unfortunate it is that anyone would feel that way.  But wait a minute, I was feeling that way too.  I found myself re-examining my own life and questioning why I was saying that with sarcasm and not shouting from the rooftops that my life is wonderful and exactly what I had always envisioned it to be.  That's when it hit me like a ton of bricks that I was not even sure what my dream was so I definitely could not be "living the dream", at least not my own dream.  At that moment it was like someone had woke me up from a catatonic state and I started to come back to life.  I needed to find my dream and get to living it before it was too late!

I started by spending some quality time with myself.  I took a hard look at my life now and started contemplating how I wanted my life to be.  The first thing I did was make a list of the things that I consider to be my dream and figure out why I am not living that dream.  I have a nice home that I own, a great job and an amazing son so I am off to a great start.  So what is it that is missing and why am I not bubbling with joy every day?  Sadly enough, and as hard as it was to admit and accept, the reason was me.  I was holding myself back.  Not only back, but I was holding myself down.  Failure is easy.  Failure requires little thought or action.  In order to convince yourself that doing nothing and being a failure is okay, you have to make many excuses all day, every day which in and of itself can be exhausting but isn't that easier than all the work it takes to be successful?  To me success was scary.  For me being successful has so many deeper emotional elements that I won't go into right now but I will just say that successes had always brought me feelings of guilt.  I thought that my successes were causing other people pain so being a failure was the right thing to do.  I had totally convinced myself of that.  I became overweight, got into bad relationships, isolated myself from everyone I used to know (including my own family) so that I could keep my failures a secret from the world, and was completely miserable and alone in my misery.  I wasn't living my dream, I was living my nightmare.

I was so insecure that I wouldn't even go to a family reunion or meet up with old college friends.  Occasionally I would muster up enough courage to do things like go to my class reunion a few years back.  But before I could do that I crash dieted for months and I still had to drag my ass there.  And it was fun.  And I know now that everyone there didn't care what I looked like on the outside nor did they care what I had achieved.  They just wanted to see Tina.  But the Tina they knew had not existed for many, many years.  I missed that Tina too and would like to see her myself.  My memories of the old me are constants that will never change.  There are some parts of the old me that I look back on and think if I only knew then what I know now because there are so many things that I might have done differently.  Well guess what, I know now what I know now and there is no reason I can't make those changes now and be the person I know I am and have always wanted to be.

I completed my list of my dreams.  The most important thing on that list is to have a truly happy life.  Staying true to yourself and being yourself even when the world around you tries to make you something else is the greatest success of all and that is my dream.  And I can honestly say I am living my dream!  I have made a lot of changes inside and out and I am a work in progress, but now I am a happy work in progress.  Sometimes it is not easy choosing better options or choosing what is good for you over what feels good or easy for you in the moment, but you and you alone have the power to make your choices so choose wisely.  And the old Tina that I miss is still inside me, she has just been buried.  So I decided to dig her out, dust her off, instill in her all of the stuff that I know now that I wish I had known then, combine her with the mature, successful, beautiful, confident, adult lady that I have become and watch out world.  Now I am the new old me.  Tina 2014.

A lot of people may think their dream is to live someplace magical but always remember that wherever you go, there you are.  If what's inside isn't happiness and joy where you are right now, going somewhere else you will just be the same miserable person with a change of scenery.  It is never too late to have a happy life and it is never too late to live the dream, whatever your dream may be!

Now when someone else asks me how I am I can honestly say "living the dream"!  I hope everyone who reads this is already living their dream and if you are reading this and you are not living your dream what is stopping you???  You only get one life, YOLO as my son and his friends say, go make it fabulous!!!!  Start right now!

This is me and my Valentino handbag which was a dream come true!

I love this!

My New Valentino:)

I won this beauty from a radio contest.  I had my eye on this purse for two months & now it's mine.  I am a lucky girl!

O is for Options

Options are one of, if not the most, powerful things in our lives.  We base all of our choices on a daily basis on the options we have before us.  The choices and decision making begins the moment we wake up every day.  There you are, conscious, and you have to immediately start making choices .  Do you get up right away and start your day?  Do you want to go back to sleep?  Do you go to work?  Do you call off?  All of the things you are contemplating are your options.  How did you choose what options that you would give yourself?  Is going to work really an option? 

Let's explore the word option.  I googled the definition and this is what I found:

op·tion

ˈäpSHən/

noun

1. 1.

   a thing that is or may be chosen.

   "choose the cheapest options for supplying energy"

   synonyms:

   choice, alternative, recourse, course of action; More
2. 2.

   FOOTBALL

   an offensive play in which the ball carrier has the option to run, pass, hand off, or lateral

According to the definition an option is a thing that is or may be chosen.  But where do you get options?  Options are something else that you have to choose for yourself.  Choosing good options is the key to making good choices.  Everything you do in life has options.  What you wear, what you eat, how you spend your time and so on are all choices but each choice has options. You put all of the things in your closet and those are the options you gave yourself when you are trying to make the choice of what to wear in the morning.  The options in your closet are merely a matter of taste.  Those options are easy to choose and a lot of fun to choose also if you like shopping as much as I do!

The most important options are the options that we have control over that could impact our lives.  These are the options that we have to choose wisely.  I will give an easy example.  This morning when I woke up I immediately had to choose what to do next.  There are a plethora of options and if I had to contemplate them all I would never get out of bed so I limit myself to two options upon awakening every day.  I give myself the option of getting up and working out (my alarm goes off at 4:45 am) or hitting the snooze button and sleeping a little longer.  Clearly those are two different options and most of the time I choose to get up and work out (I have been doing the Focus T25 program if you want to check out that blog) but I do occasionally make the choice to sleep a bit longer but then working out in the evening is not an option, it is a given.  If I did not make working out an option then it would never be a choice I would make every day.  

Another good example about choosing good options would be when it comes to eating.  When you are at the grocery store if you do not buy cookies then cookies will not be an option for a snack at your house.  Buy apples or grapes instead and then making a good, healthy choice will be easy!

Of course the above options and choices I was giving were fairly easy choices.  We all know that in life we are faced with much tougher choices sometimes and sometimes your options are out of your control.  If you have limited options it is always best to choose what is good for you over what feels good to you.  An easy example would be if you are at a party and someone pulls out a bong and offers you a hit.  Obviously there are no options there is only a decision.  While taking a hit off of the bong may give you instant gratification, if you get chosen for a random drug test at work on Monday you would lose your job so that is not a good decision for you.  

I would define a choice as when you have multiple options and you were able to choose your options and I would define a decision as a choice you have to make when the options are beyond your control.  For example at work you need to hire an assistant.  You have to make a decision based on your options which would likely be the resumes that you receive.  If you were going to make a choice instead of a decision, you would have control over the options so you could choose whoever you wanted (I would choose George Clooney).  So there is a difference between making choices and making decisions.

A few years ago my son, who was 11 at the time, was faced with tough choices about his first girlfriend.  I wrote him a letter about choices and making good decisions.  I posted it on my blog today.  If you would like to read it just click here.  

Although there are so many things I could write about as far as options go, I will give one last example and be done because I am sure by now you have gotten the point.  If you have read any of my other blog posts you already know that a lot of things I write about are from personal experience and this example is another one of those experiences.  I am a single mother who is not getting any younger and my son is getting old enough that I am ready to find a male companion with whom to share my life.  Due to my own insecurities in recent years I have succumbed to several relationships that only fed my insecurities which just snowballed out of control.  I have been working on improving the most important relationship that I have which is the relationship I have with myself so that I can be the best me in all of my other important relationships (my son, my family, my friends, my coworkers etc.).  In my search for true happiness I have done a lot of soul searching and have come to realize that those bad relationships were my fault.  Two out of the three men that I was involved with were men that I would have never even thought twice about dating in the past.  They would never have even been options.  I can't remember the exact quote but my roommate in college (you know who you are and if you read this maybe you can clarify) would tell us that her grandmother used to tell her that you don't marry everyone you date but eventually whoever you marry will have been someone you dated and it is just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is a poor man.  That simply means if you don't date poor guys you won't marry a poor guy but it really has a much deeper meaning.  You can include any qualities that are deal breakers under your criteria into that sentence (the guy is married, unemployed, divorced five times, has eight children from previous marriages, has Peter Pan syndrome etc.) and if you know from the moment he asks you out that something isn't acceptable to you, don't let him be an option, say no, and move on.  If you say yes you are running the risk of falling in love even though you know it will likely never work or at minimum there will be drama and issues that may not be worth dealing with so just say no.  Not until I just typed out this paragraph did I realize that if I had went by the criteria I listed above I would have never even went on a date with the third guy either.  In my defense it took me a year and a half to realize that he had Peter Pan syndrome.  But I have lived and learned and I am ready to choose only good options which will in turn help me make better choices when it comes to dating and relationships. 

O is for options.  Choose your options wisely.  Remember, choosing good options is the key to making good choices!

Thanks so much for reading my post now go have a fabulous day and if that is too much pressure, have the day that you want to have:)

Letter To My Son

When my son was in the 6th grade he had his first (and so far only) girlfriend.  As his mother it is my job to give him the knowledge to make the best decisions possible in his life.  I am not a meddling mother nor was I being nosy, but for all of you parents out there you know that you have to monitor what your children are doing.  This little girl had a not so great reputation so I would read his text messages after he would go to sleep.  One night I discovered that this girl was telling him that another little boy was declaring his love for her and she didn't think my son loved her as much as this other boy.  My son's reaction was to be pissed at the boy (as would be a lot of adults reaction as well) which to me was displaced anger as this little girl was just stirring the pot and poking my son for a reaction.  Well she got a reaction because my son said to her he wanted to beat up this other boy on Friday.  The next day (which was a Wednesday), I wrote my son the following letter.  That night I sat him down and explained to him that I had seen his text messages and that I wasn't spying on him, I was simply being a loving, caring parent (which of course he did not understand and likely won't until he has his own children).  I gave him the letter and asked him to go and read it alone and think about it and when he was ready he could come back downstairs and we would discuss the situation.  When he came back down he was very upset and we discussed the situation and I hugged him and told him I loved him.  A few days later he broke up with this girl and she was immediately madly in love with the other little boy.  I wanted to share this letter (although my son may kill me if he sees this) because I thought it may help another parent who may face a similar situation.  Being a parent is the most difficult job in the world and it is the most important job in the world.  There are no second chances when it comes to your children.  I highly recommend checking out the website dare to parent for any parent who is struggling or just simply needs help or guidance with their children.  Too often parents try to be friends.  Your children have friends, they need parents!  I hope this letter will help someone else who may be struggling with the issue I was faced with so here it is:

February 23, 2011

Dear XXXXXXX,

I want you to know that I love you more than anything in the world.  You are my heart and soul and the reason I get up every day!  There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you!!!!  I am your mother and as your mother it is my responsibility to give you advice and try to help you make the best choices for yourself.  I always want you to be your own person and make your own decisions but it is my responsibility to make sure that you know that every day in life you have to make choices about every single little thing you do.  The consequences and/or results of those decisions will shape the man that you become and how your life turns out to be.  Even though you may only be 11 years old you are turning into a young man and you don’t always ask for my help, advice or opinion any more so the best I can do if you decide not to ask me for help is at least arm you with as much knowledge as possible so that you can make well thought-out, educated decisions that will help you go down the path you would like to follow in life. 

Every day you have to decide whether to get out of bed or not, you have to decide what to have for breakfast, you have to decide what clothes to wear, etc. (I think you get the drift).  Some days you’re choices are going to be a lot more serious and have a greater impact on your life such as studying for a test, whether to go to college, who to marry, what car to buy, which house do you want to buy, etc. (again, I think you get the point).   Then you are going to have days that you will have to make extremely difficult decisions that will impact your safety and your happiness and possibly your freedom (take XXXXX and XXXXXXX for example… their choices have landed them behind bars… not a fun place to be I would have to imagine).   I want you to think about me and what I am about to tell you during times you feel like you do not need to turn to me for help.  What people say about you, write about you, tell other people about you etc. are just words and they do not matter.  Those people who try to hurt you or make you look bad or whatever their reason is for saying whatever they are saying to and/or about you… THEY ARE JUST WORDS!  Words can not hurt you unless you make a choice to retaliate or react in a negative way… once you do anything as a reaction (say things back to them, spread rumors about them, try to fight them etc.) then you have given them power over you by letting them control your feelings and impacting your decisions… YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON WHO SHOULD BE IN CONTROL OF YOURSELF!!!!  When people say stupid, untrue, malicious, horrible things you can stay in control by walking away and ignoring them.  I know that seems like it would be really hard to do but if you practice that it will become easier and you will soon discover that the person spewing these words that seem so hurtful to you is the person who is unhappy and they want to bring you down with them because they are jealous of you.  Holding your head high and ignoring them and walking away and going on about your day will stop them in their tracks… and if it doesn’t stop them immediately it will soon… I promise!  The only way someone can only have any type of power over you is if you surrender your power to them.  It takes a much bigger man to turn around and walk away from these situations than the man (or woman) that is verbally attacking you, your friends or your family. 

Every now and then in life you are going to be faced with an even more difficult situation where you are physically threatened.  This is a much tougher situation and a much harder decision to make.  I would never condone physical violence unless someone attacked you first (and by attacked I mean physically attack) and then and only then, when you are forced into the situation and must defend yourself, would I ever say it’s ok to fight.  Fights are so unpredictable and can lead to devastating circumstances (XXXXX was in a fight a long, long, long time ago where he was provoked and he ended up beating the crap out of the guy and he ended up in jail for months even though he was provoked).  These days kids (and adults) have weapons of all sorts, including guns, they have friends that might jump into the fight (I was jumped by two girls once and one held me down while the other one beat me in the face… they could have very easily killed me, God was looking out for me that day!) and they don’t have parents who have cared for them so they make really bad decisions but you have the intelligence to make good decisions.  Please, please, please just think about this!!!!!!

While violence may seem like a good, quick solution to problems, it is far from that!  Intelligent people use their minds as their weapon of choice.  People who choose fighting are more often than not either drunk or on drugs which renders them incapable of making an intelligent decision… either that or they just don’t know any better or know any other coping mechanism.  I am your mother and it’s my job to make sure you know better.  You are 11 years old and it’s my responsibility to teach you right from wrong.  It’s your responsibility to yourself and to your future to start making intelligent decisions now so your future is the best it can be.  Your behavior patterns are not formed by one decision that you make about how to handle an individual situation, but they are formed by the collection of these decisions that you make on a daily basis.  I want you to be your own man and I will love you no matter what.  I just pray that you will take what I have said and think about it.  Really, really, really give it some thought and not just get mad at me or throw this away.  I know you love me and I know I can be annoying sometimes but everything I do is because I love you so much and I want you to be the best that I know you can be. 

I want you to know that if you are not comfortable talking about things with me (which I wish you would know that I am always here for you no matter what) your dad is always there for you.  He loves you just as much as I do and you can always confide in him.

I hope you will take my words to heart and not dismiss this letter.  I love you and always will.

LOVE ALWAYS,

MOM 

Happiness is Contagious!

I have so many quotes that I love that help me stay happy, positive and focused every day.  One of those quotes is negativity breeds negativity.  Have you ever been around someone who is constantly negative and that person just seems to try to drag everyone down with them?  Recently I had several occasions that put me in the same situation as a lady with whom I have known as an acquaintance for years.  Mostly we just made small talk when we would run into one another because we had mutual friends.  During the occasions I just mentioned she and I were actually in a working environment together and we ended up having longer conversations.  That is when I really noticed how negative she was.  Her life, according to her, is a train wreck.  Both of her parents are sick and she is financially strapped.  Not only would she constantly go on about her personal woes but she would always want to gossip about people.  Most of the people she would talk about I didn't know but the things she was telling me was very personal stuff.  Every time I would be around her I was forced to endure her negativity and I was so uncomfortable that it got to the point that I just had to stop talking to her.  I would literally leave her presence and be in an utterly foul mood.  The way she made me feel was not good and I didn't like it so I became indifferent to her and had to step away from even trying to be friendly to her.  I also could not hold on to any feelings of guilt or anxiety because I chose to just walk away from this person and her negativity without so much as a conversation with her about how I was feeling.  There would be no point to a conversation as nothing would change about that person and quite frankly I just don't need or want the drama that a conversation would likely entail.  While I can sympathize with her situation with her parents and her finances, I can not risk my emotional well being because of how this person who I barely know makes me feel when I am around her.

Another saying that I love is that if you always do what you have always done you will always get the same result.  Not too long ago (quite frankly it was right after a break up with a man that I thought I was head over heels for) I found myself not liking the results that my life was churning out so I decided to take my life and my results in a different direction.  In order to change my results I had to change what I was doing.  The first thing I had to do was decide what it was exactly that I wanted my life to be like.  There is only one word that kept popping into my head and that word, you guessed it, was happy.  So I sat my miserable ass down and began to think of what makes me happy and I started to work on those things.  I am definitely a work in progress, but I am a HAPPY work in progress!  I no longer hide in my house because I am insecure about how I look and I am learning to avoid negative situations and people in order to keep my aura positive.  Now I take things that don't matter with a grain of salt... and pepper and hocus focus on happiness and surrounding myself with good, happy things.  The things that do matter to me, such as my weight, that I am unhappy with I am working on changing instead of simply accepting those things as my reality.  Your perception is your reality so if you don't like your reality, change your perception!

In life we tend to mimic the aura of those with whom we surround ourselves.  Think about that for a moment.  When you are around negative people you tend to become at the very least uncomfortable.  You may not mimic their behavior but the way they make you feel is what is important.  Whether they make you uncomfortable or maybe you just don't agree with the way they are behaving, your aura is going to be affected negatively when you are around negativity.  Hence, the phrase negativity breeds negativity.  On the other hand, if you are around happy, positive people they can affect you positively.  Take motivational speakers for example.  After listening to a motivational speaker you generally have genuine positive feelings and leave feeling like you are a better person for having listened to them.  During my awakening phase when I was trying to make better decisions about my life in order to get to a positive place, I stumbled upon the Focus T25 infomercial while looking for something to watch on television.  I was so moved and empowered from just watching that 30 minute infomercial that as soon as it was over I ordered the program.  I am 4 weeks into the program and I feel great!   Watching that infomercial motivated me that much.

Now one of my favorite sayings is that happiness is contagious, and it really, really is! Sometimes I feel so happy that I feel like I could just burst.  I am always smiling and trying my best to stay as positive as possible.  It is simply amazing the difference that the changes I have made have had on my life every single minute of every single day. Now I find that sometimes my happiness rubs off on other people which is fantastic. If you truly want to be happy start by avoiding negativity, accept the things you cannot change and change the things you can, and surround yourself with other happy people because it really is true... happiness is contagious!

The Most Important Investment You Can Ever Make

Recently I made the best investment that I have ever made.  I invested in myself.  When I looked up the meaning of the word investment most definitions were very similar to this one: 

 in·vest·ment

inˈves(t)mənt/

noun

1. 1.

   the action or process of investing money for profit or material result.

   "a debate over private investment in road-building"

   synonyms:

   investing, speculation; More
2. 2.

   archaic

   the surrounding of a place by a hostile force in order to besiege or blockade it.

That definition was what came up when I googled the meaning of investment.  Everyone makes monetary investments but I know that there are so many more different kinds of investments because I have been making them everyday.  I used to be so focused on what other people thought of me and trying to make other people happy that I forgot about myself.  My son, of course, is my number one priority and I take pride in the investments I have made in him but this is not about him.  This is about me. Not too long ago I really looked in the mirror and looked at myself and looked at my life and realized that I was not living the life I wanted to live.  I wasn't happy with my weight or my aura.  I am a smart woman and I knew that the only person who could change my situation was me.  So I decided to start investing in myself.  

Every day when I get up I start making deposits into the "Tina Investment Account".  As I am writing this it is 5:00 am and I am getting ready to work out.  Then I am going to make my son and myself a healthy breakfast and pack us both a healthy lunch.  I could forgo all of these activities and get up at 6:30 instead and make him a bowl of sugar filled cereal and we could both buy a lunch made by someone else that contains who knows what.  Instead I choose to get up and invest in us.  

Before I go to work I take the time to make sure my hair is fixed and my makeup is on and I have a well put together outfit, right down to my accessories which for me always includes a fabulous handbag.  This makes me feel good.  And if you read my previous post you know that if you look good, you feel good!!  

Another thing I try to make a habit of doing these days is to only focus on things that matter.  Everything else I just let go.  If something or someone doesn't matter to me I just take it with a grain of salt and pepper. and go on about my day.  

I feel better than I ever have in my whole life and I attribute a lot of that to the investments I am making in myself.

My aura affects other people in my life and when I am happier they are happier (happiness is contagious).  I am living healthier and I feel great from the inside out.  My recommendation to everyone is that no matter what your situation is, you need to take time every day to invest in yourself... the most important investment you can ever make!

If you look good, you feel good!

This post is on my T25 blog but I wanted to share it with everyone!

If you look good, you feel good!

Daily Inspirational Quote

I love this one!

“You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.”

― Johnny Cash

Rocking my new Kate Spade readers:)

 

I love, love, love my new readers and what a great deal I got on them... Kate Spade readers for only $19.99 at Nordstrom Rack... can I get a woot woot!!! 

Grain of Salt... AND Pepper

I was talking to someone the other day about something someone had said to me that had ruffled my fabulous feathers a wee bit.  At the end of my story my friend with whom I was talking looked at me and shook her head and said "grain of salt".  Now I value this person's opinion and perspective a great deal which is why I was discussing the matter with her in the first place.  I am a smart woman so I already try to live by the "grain of salt" theory and I try to take unimportant things in life with a "grain of salt".  For some reason I just couldn't take this occurrence that lightly and just brush it off and move on so my friends advice left me a little perplexed.  I knew I shouldn't let this bother me so why was I letting it bother me?

After much thought I came to the conclusion that there were large portions of the feather ruffling incident that were easy to let go and I did.  But there were some things that the feather ruffler had said that left me feeling quite uneasy.  That's when I decided that there must be a second part to the "grain of salt" theory because not everything is worthy of just forgetting about and moving on with your life as if it never happened.  Actually, I think it is vital to have an open file in the back of your brain where you store these things that are important but that are not worthy of further actions or thoughts immediately.  I call this file my "pepper" file.  So now I take things with a "grain of salt AND pepper".  The unimportant things go over my shoulder in the form of a "grain of salt" and the things that matter (or are hot) go into my "pepper" file where I can access them for future reference if needed.

Let me give you an example.  I once dated a guy who was straight out of a Dateline story!  He was a compulsive liar but oh so smooth.  Unfortunately I was not the first or last woman this cassanova wannabe fooled into believing he was madly in love with only to rob blind behind ours backs.  I won't go into details because he really isn't worth of another second of my time.  However, some of the stuff he did to me is stored in my "pepper" file (like telling me he had cancer when I tried to break up with him so I would let him stay, only to find out that was all a lie... who does that, right?).   By no means do I think all men are always lying to me as a result of this isolated incident but I am slightly more cautious when dating now.  For instance if a date tells me he owns his own house I just prefer to fact check (I look it up on the internet... it's fast and easy to do).  As a matter of fact I highly recommend that in any new relationship with someone who you have just met you should always proceed with caution.  Take it from me that just because words come out of someone's mouth or it is on the internet, that doesn't make it true!  I am not saying to be distrusting I am just saying don't be naive. 

Another good example is the feather ruffler from before.  I had known this person for roughly six months and she had always been quiet and demure but during this particular incident she was asking me to do something that I could not do.  Out of nowhere she turned on a dime and went all Carrie on me.  Her new persona took me by complete surprise and I had no idea what do make of the whole situation which is why I wanted to talk to my friend who was a mutual acquaintance.  When the mutual friend said "grain of salt" she followed by saying that was not who that person was and I should not judge her by that one occurrence.  So I had to think about it because what I had seen was nothing short of frightening and mutual acquaintance had never seen that side of feather ruffler before.  Mutual acquaintance was mostly right and I did take the bulk of the incident and throw it over my shoulder (behind my back where I would never see it again... grain of salt) and I still look at feather ruffler as I did before that incident .  But let me tell you, the whole Carrie scene went straight into the "pepper" file.  Trust and believe that I will never be caught alone in a room full of knives with feather ruffler:)

One other thing I would recommend is that if you are holding on to things that are not important and don't really matter (or shouldn't matter) to you, release those things.  Life is too short to dwell on things that don't matter... grain of salt.  For things you can't let go open up a "pepper" file, file them away, and move on.

Thanks for reading!  NOW GO HAVE A FABULOUS DAY!!!

Turn Discouragement Into Determination

No matter how intelligent, focused, or positive you are, sometimes things happen that are going to bring you down.  The attitude and actions you choose when you find yourself in a negative place are up to you.  I will use myself as an example.  For anyone who knows me or who has been reading my blogs, you know that I have struggled with my weight in recent years.  Instead of facing my issues and dealing with the emotions that were directly linked to how I was feeling about myself because of my weight, I chose to ignore that elephant in the room.  I actually embraced the elephant as part of the family like he was supposed to be there.  Before long that elephant was my only friend (besides Ben and Jerry).  It's a lonely life when you surround yourself with negativity and let the negative emotions consume you.  There was a time that I didn't even remember that I wasn't always like that so I was just going about my life believing that being alone, overweight and unhappy were just my new normal.

One day I woke up and realized THERE IS A FREAKING ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM and it's not normal!  That's when I realized that I had to start making better choices and make some changes and quick before I ended up spending my days knitting sweaters for my 20 cats to pass the time while I was waiting to die.  Ain't nobody got time for that, especially me.  Luckily I have been blessed to have had many amazing people in my life over the years who have either inspired, encouraged or enlightened me.  For all of those people I want to say thank you a million times over because without you I would not be where I am or who I am today.

I want my happily ever after and the only person who can make that happen is this girl and I am on it!  There is no one or nothing that is going to stop me.  Now when I am getting dressed for the day and my jeans are too tight or my garage door won't open or what ever other discouraging thing happens, I just turn that emotion from discouragement to determination.  If my jeans are too tight it just makes me determined to make better choices in regards to my diet and exercise for the day.  Two weeks ago I went to leave for work and my garage door only opened half way.  I became determined to fix it myself and I did fix it and I felt amazing afterward!  Every baby step that I take that is a success just gives me the positive reinforcement that I need to keep going and never look back. 

I wrote a poem many years ago and my favorite line is "scairdy cats are afraid of goblins, ghouls and ghosts... cowards are afraid of the things that matter the most".  I have been afraid of everyone seeing me fail so I retreated and became defeated.  I don't want to be a coward anymore and I don't want to hide anymore.  I want to make everyday fabulous and full of life, hope and happiness.  This sassy, classy chick is determined to succeed and nothing is going to stop me!   I just always have to remember, don't get discouraged, get determined!


Thanks for letting me share my story with you and thank you for being here, now and always!  NOW GO HAVE A FABULOUS DAY!!!

If you want to feel happy you should watch this video!  I LOVE IT!!!

Date Like You Deserve It!

Are you tired of seeing other people that you see as being less attractive, less financially secure, etc. in a happy, successful relationship as you sip coffee at the table next to them while trying to decide what to name your new cat????? If this is you... read on!!!!

In dating there should be no rules that you have to follow! Isn't dating hard enough without having to lug some book around with you? I am going to break this down as simply as I can so that you can get on with dating yet stay true to yourself while trying to attain your relationship goals and at the same time retain your dating dignity!

My whole life I have thought men cared about your looks, your weight, how successful you are etc. The truth is they could care less about any of that stuff. They want exactly the same thing women want which is someone who makes them feel good. Don't get me wrong, if you change your name to ESPN that might not hurt but it just simply boils down to how they feel when they are around you. Men want to feel special. We know that they are "special" but they want to feel appreciated. Men want to buy you dinner and trim your trees so they can feel like the provider and the protector and you need to let them! When they have done something nice for you show your appreciation. Be happy and positive and someone that a man wants to be around. That is all they want. As women we overthink and overanalyze way too much and it can get in the way of a great relationship. When you are with a man trust me he is not thinking "Damn, her calves are a little too big for me to continue dating her". Men are not complicated. Quite the opposite actually. We make them complicated. Frankly a man isn't replaying every word that was said between you on your last date or silently critiquing your thighs. All he knows is he either feels good when he is around you and he wants to continue to be around you or he is indifferent to you and he will eventually move on. That's not to say that if you feel like you should lose 10 pounds that you shouldn't try to achieve that goal. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else! The point is not to obsess over small stuff because men don't really care about that stuff in the grand scheme of things. Sometimes we use excuses about things such as needing to lose a few pounds as an excuse as to why we are not finding a good relationship. If you lose the 10 pounds and you still do not find a mate then you could really beat yourself up and see yourself as a total failure. And if you lose 10 pounds you have been successful in something that is extremely difficult and should pat yourself on the back. Focus on your successes, not your failures. Stay positive and strong and eventually you will find what you are looking for!

Men and women alike are drawn to people who are happy and positive. Those are the people we all want to be around. The same holds true for dating. It is important to find someone who makes you feel good and vice versa. Most of the time you know how the relationship is going. If the relationship is moving forward, as it should be, then you know this because you will meet their friends, family etc. and incorporate one another into each others lives. On the flip side, if the relationship is stagnate or moving backward, as hard as it may be to accept, you know that as well. This phase of a doomed relationship is where most women go into denial, and yes I am oh-so guilty of this myself from time to time, and try to hold onto something that just does not exist except in your mind. Just because you like someone or have enjoyed getting to know someone doesn't mean that you have to stay in that particular relationship forever. If you want to find the right life partner you need to know when to stay and when to move on. Life is too short to overstay a relationship. A lot of times when the newness of a relationship wears off you will be able to assess the relationship fairly. You can assess a relationship at anytime and should if you are having any doubts at all... ever! If someone is making you unhappy more than they are making you happy then it is time to part ways and move on... PERIOD!!!!!!!! Do not overanalyze your decision because trust me when you break it off with the guy they just go have beers with their buddies and watch sports while you sit at home trying to overanalyze what went wrong and what you could have done differently. Instead be glad for the time you had with that person, keep smiling, and remind yourself that there is someone out there for everyone. You deserve the fairytale and should NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS THAN YOU DESERVE!

Please keep in mind that I am not a professional. There are no rules or magic spells that will make your Prince Charming fall into your hands like putty! The only thing I do know is that you have to be true to yourself. Most importantly have fun and enjoy life.

Always remember, the only person who can make you happy is you!

Thanks for reading my blog NOW GO HAVE A FABULOUS DAY!!!

M is for Morning Motivation

I used to find it so hard to get out of bed and get going in the morning.  My alarm would go off and I would hit snooze 5 times (or more) before I wouId eventually drag myself out of bed.  Even then I would just dread starting my day because I knew that meant going through the same thing day in and day out.  i  just couldn't understand how anyone could  be a  "morning person".  When every day is like groundhog day where is the motivation?

Now I totally get it because I am a "morning person".  I heard the phraseI "It's never too late to have a happy life" and somehow that just triggered something in my brain.  I never thought I was unhappy but I realized I was just existing and I decided that I want to live, not just exist! 

Starting your day off in a positive way is imperative to making your day a success.  I now have Pandora radio set as my alarm clock (if you have the app it comes with an alarm clock and the app is free if you don't already have it).  This morning the song on my alarm was Prince's "I Would Die For You".  Prince radio is one of my faves because I am an 80's girl so that is my choice and I wake up in a good mood every morning just by hearing music I love to start my day.  I continue to play Pandora until it is time for my workout and after my workout and I play it while I am getting ready for my day,

Another thing that really gets me going in the morning is getting up early.  It is a great feeling to get a lot of stuff accomplished first thing in the morning when most people are sleeping their life away.  Get a jump start on your day and get up an hour earlier to work on things you tend to put off later in the day.  This helps eliminated excuses and gives you a feeling of accomplishment first thing in the morning.  What a great way to start your day. I try to pack lunches for myself and my son the night before so I don't have to be rushed in the mornings and I go to bed early so I am refreshed in the morning instead of tired and grumpy.

If music doesn't get you in a good mood find what works for you.  There must be something that can get you pumped for the day.  Find your thing and do it!  One other thing I like to do is play games on my phone if I am having a hard time waking up.  I will play Words With Friends, Scramble or Words of Wonder just to give my brain a kick start. 

I am certain that if you get up in the morning and start your day off strong and in a positive way, whatever way works best for you, you will feel better all day!  I challenge you to try this for a week if you don't already have a habit of morning motivation.  If you have things that inspire and motivate you, please feel free to share and post your comments.  Let's keep each other motivated!!

Thanks for reading my post NOW GO HAVE A FABULOUS DAY!!!

Well Hello!!!!

I love this blog and if you have read any of my posts, I think you have probably realized that I am really working on self-improvement.  This blog has totally helped me to examine myself and where I have been and where I want to be.  I have not posted for a while because I have been busy in my life going out and making things happen.  One thing that I have done is decide that my inside is pretty good right now so I need to start on the outside as well.  In order to achieve the goal of making my outside better and becoming healthier, I decided to try the Beach Body workout by Shaun T. called Focus T25.  And in keeping true to my desire to become a blogger, I decided to document this journey on another blog.  Today I wrote about my second day of workouts on that blog.  I hope you will read today's post "Day Two: Speed 1.0".

Thanks again for reading my blog.  Now go have a fabulous day!!!

Handbags? YES PLEASE :)

Diamonds are a girl's best friend and luxury handbags are her favorite companion!  If what I am about to say has never happened to you before it may sound a tiny bit weird but I am going to say it anyway!   When I find the perfect handbag it literally speaks to me from across the room and says "Tina, you have to buy me, I would look so good with you carrying me" and who can say no to a gorgeous handbag???? That would just be plain silly! Now this may never have happened to you with a handbag maybe your thing is shoes or jewelry, but if and when this does happen, you will be able to understand that feeling of utter bliss that can only be felt when the cosmic forces of the universe bring you together with the fashion accessory of your dreams.

Buying a luxury purse is really just making an investment in yourself.  The Emma Fox handbag below is my very first handbag that I have purchased from this designer and I LOVE IT!  When I am carrying her (I think of all of my handbags as members of the family... this one I call Emmy) I couldn't feel more fabulous and every girl should always feel fabulous.  When you feel fabulous you are more confident, productive and more pleasurable to be around.  So it's not only an investment in yourself, it's almost like you are doing it for others too so they won't have to be around someone who is miserable.  So the next time your husband or significant other scoffs at you for "needing" the pricey handbag that you rescued from having to have anyone else touch it at the store, just tell them you did it for their own good!  And then throw in "happy wife, happy life" or if you aren't married yet just say "happy chick, happy ____"  ( I will let you fill in the blank).  Then take your companion and go be fabulous darling!

NOW GO HAVE A FABULOUS DAY!!!

Hocus Focus

Congratulations!  If you are reading this post then you have been blessed with another fabulous day to live and I want to help you make the most of this day. 

Do you want to work magic with your mind?  You can!  It's easy.  All you have to do is focus.  What do meditation and visualization have in common?  They are all about focusing.  If you want to attain your goals you have to first figure out what those goals are and then focus on making your goals and dreams come true.

Let's start with figuring out your goals.  In life we have many things that we set goals for such as financial success, buying a new car, taking a vacation, starting a family etc.  Some goals are much bigger than others and sometimes your goals may seem overwhelming.  There are short term goals and long term goals.  In order to attain your goals it is vital that you know what those goals are so keep track of them in the way that works best for you.  However you decide to track your goals, I would highly recommend that they are written down somewhere so that you can physically see them.

Now that you know what your goals are let's check them out before we go any further.  Your goals should be viable in order to achieve success.   If your goals are unattainable then you will feel like a failure and then you will likely abandon your goals and be left with feelings of inadequacy, guilt, shame and lots of other negative feelings.  I will give you an example.  Let's say your goal is to lose 20 pounds.  That is a very large goal but if you break it up into smaller, more attainable goals you will set yourself up for greater success.  Start off with deciding that this week you want to lose two pounds.  Doesn't losing two pounds sound a whole lot easier than losing twenty?  Once you have accomplished the two pound loss then set another goal, maybe another two pounds.  After your first two pound loss you will feel proud of yourself.  When you lose the second two pounds you will start to feel proud and motivated.  The positive effect will be like a snowball and before you know it you will have hit your twenty pounds! 

The next step to making your dreams come true and attaining your goals and feeling successful is the most important step.  Every day I wake up and ask what can you do today to make today successful and make me be the best I can be so that I am happy and fabulous?  I start by doing some easy stretches and breathing and focusing on my goals and check my attitude for the day.  I know that if I want to get where I want to go only I can get me there.  After 20 minutes or so of focusing, I go start my day.  This is where the hard part comes.  Once you leave the security of your own home, outside influences become a factor in our lives which could cause making good choices harder to do.  Let's take the weight loss goal for example.  If your goal is to lose two pounds this week and you go to work and it's someone's birthday so the boss brought in a giant, delicious, chocolate cake that you would normally eat and possibly go for seconds, you need to focus and ask yourself what choice can I make right here that will help me reach my goal?  Making better choices throughout your day will bring small victories which will eventually turn into achieving your goals.  Your mind is magical but only you have the magic wand that controls your magical mind so focus on your dreams and use your powers wisely.  So the next time you find yourself in a difficult situation and are tempted to make a bad decision, just pull out your magic wand and wave it over your magical mind and say Hocus Focus.

NOW GO HAVE A FABULOUS DAY!!!

Daily Inspirational Quotes

I found a great website that will send an inspirational quote to your inbox daily.  I wanted to share today's quote because I love it and share the website in case you would like to get an inspirational quote delivered to your inbox daily!  The website is thoughtful-mind.com.

“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.”

― Thomas Jefferson 



















Thanks for reading this post NOW GO HAVE A FABULOUS DAY!!!

Why Choose Indifference???

One of my all time favorite sayings is "There is a fine line between love and hate and it is called indifference".  I would like to think I came up with that myself but I am sure I probably just heard it long, long ago and it has stuck with me because of the power of the statement.

 

I have always had a soft heart so I have tended to get my feelings hurt very easily. When my feelings get hurt I usually have one of two reactions.  I either cry or I get over the top pissed and behave like I am going through an exorcism which is not healthy and tends to leave lingering feelings of anger and/or bitterness.  Having a soft heart also meant I was very vulnerable to being taken advantage of which is what I believe led me to have low self esteem.  Couple the soft heart with low self-esteem and you have a person who is a virtual emotional train wreck to say the least!  Mind you I am a fairly intelligent lady so deep down I always knew I should hold myself in higher regard and that I should not always take everything little thing to heart that others may think, do or say.  But as we all know things are easy to say but much more difficult to do.  So like many others I made a New Year's Resolution to become the best me.  I decided to start from the inside out.  If the inside isn't healthy it doesn't matter what the outside looks like.

 

Everyone knows that love is a powerful emotion and so is hate.  Once you have loved someone and they have wronged you it is possible that you will put them in the hate category.  You can hate someone without ever having loved them if the circumstance was severe enough to warrant this emotion.  Everything that is in the love or hate category should only be in the category for a reason.  Indifference is the emotion that is kind of ignored and not really given much thought by most people.  That is likely because everything that falls into the indifference category is something that is not worth wasting your thoughts or emotions.  Even though someone may fall into your love or hate category, if you fall into their indifferent category then they need to be demoted by default to your indifferent category because if you aren't worth their thoughts or emotions then you should not let them be worth your thoughts or emotions. 

 

Realizing that I was constantly over-analyzing everything (some people say I am OCD) and giving power to things that were either in or should have been in my indifferent category was thanks to my 14 year old son's words of wisdom.  When we would be having a conversation about something and he could obviously see me getting either sad, bitter or angry, he would always ask me why did I care so much and what did it really matter to me.  I guess he just asked me those questions enough times that I finally had the good sense to think about that myself each time I was put in a situation where I found myself becoming emotional.  Now when I sense that my emotion train is about to derail I stop and ask myself why do I care so much and what does it really matter to me.  If the answer is that  I shouldn't care and it doesn't matter to me, I just put it in my indifference category and step away.  That is when I started to learn that indifference is a very powerful emotion. By being indifferent to things that used to bother me I have made myself available to have healthy, happy emotions instead.  I am even really liking myself again.  I no longer worry about anything that people who do not matter to me think, say or do.  Indifference has been an emotional catalyst that has gotten me past my soft heart and low self esteem.  That is why I choose indifference!

 

Thanks for reading my post NOW GO HAVE A FABULOUS DAY!!!

Welcome To Sassy Classy

Welcome to my blog!  I am so amped up to share my life's journey with the world that I hope you can feel my exhilaration as you are exploring this site.  Your life's journey and choices begin and end with your attitude and so does mine!  Every day when we wake up our day of choices begins!  I choose to be a little bit sassy mixed with a lot of classy because that's what makes me happy.  Not too long ago I used to let others effect my attitude.  I would base my attitude on their actions toward me.  Only recently have I come to realize that I alone own my attitude.   I was making myself miserable by letting others have enough power over me to control my attitude.  Today I choose to be sassy and classy and no one can take that away from me.  I feel empowered and strong and I am ready to live life to the fullest and shoot for the stars every single day!  I am tired of muddling through life every day like it's Groundhog Day.  Today I started this blog.  My dream job would be to become a professional blogger and today I choose to pursue my dream.   I hope I can inspire others to choose a great attitude and go out there and start living their life.  Thanks for checking out my blog and I hope you will come back soon!  NOW GO HAVE A FABULOUS DAY!!!!